Week Forty-seven: Being the Qualities You Seek

Someone reminded me the other day of the comment by Ghandi that we should be the peace we want to see in the world. It got me to thinking about how often many of us yearn for things without realizing that our first step needs to be, to embody, the qualities we want to experience in the world around us, in the people close to us, in those who cause us problems. I also got in touch with the challenge of actually reaching into myself and becoming what I seek to see in the world. It felt like a tall order. My personal response was to begin to do a tonglen meditation process on the Middle East conflict each morning, so that I would make part of myself the peace I seek in the world.

Also, one of the most powerful aspects of this particular practice, for me, is to embody in myself the qualities I want to experience in the people around me. For example, if I want the person who’s waiting on me in the store to be friendly and attentive, there are certain qualities I need to embody in myself first. These might be respect, generosity of spirit, friendliness, curiosity. Many times, I’ve begun to experience some kind of push and pull with someone and realized that it would help if I shifted to an attitude of open friendliness. Inevitably, even if it doesn’t create a shift in the other person, I end up feeling better for not staying caught in an unpleasant and uncomfortable interaction.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to think about what qualities you most want to experience in the world, in your loved ones, in those who challenge you. Then, imagine that your first step is to embody these qualities in yourself, to become them. What’s it like for you to imagine that you experience and express the qualities you seek in others – in your actions, ways of thinking, feelings, and ways of behaving in the world? What actions might you take, what attitudes might you hold, how would you be, were you to have this quality as part of your life?

The sky’s the limit on this one – just keep in mind that whatever you would like to see in the world around you can begin to create in your own immediate experience, interpersonal context, and overall environment.

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