Week Ninety-Two: Dealing with Fear: Saying “Or Not”

In a conversation with a friend of a friend the other day, I learned something that hit my “aha” button and I’ve been using it ever since, so I’d like to share it with you as a tool you can call on when fear has you in its grip. This friend of a friend mentioned that he has developed the practice of saying “or not” whenever he thinks a scary thought. For example, if he finds himself saying , “This situation is impossible,” he immediately adds “or not” to the sentence and shifts himself from potentially-escalating fear and anxiety into curiosity. Or, if he finds himself thinking, “I can’t possibly do this,” he immediately adds, “or not”. The “or not” reminds him that the “I can’t”, “won’t possibly”, or “will never happen” statements are only one point of view, and a limited one at that – a point of view that emerges from fear of some kind.

As I’ve used this practice with myself, I notice that my mental space, as well as my physical experience, both open up immediately when I hear the words, “or not.” I experience a shift from tension to spaciousness, from pulling back to moving toward possibility.

Given the amount of fear we could all so easily fall into these days, I’d like to invite you to practice with the words “or not” as you move through this challenging time. I also want to suggest that these two small words offer an antidote to potentially-escalating anxiety. Notice what happens to the quality of your state of mind when you add “or not” to thoughts that are limiting or may induce fear. As part of the experiment, also notice what happens in your body when you have thoughts based on fear, and then notice what happens when you add the words “or not”. Notice that your body moves from sensations related to the inevitable constriction that accompanies fearful thoughts to the more relaxed or resilient sensations that accompany a state of mind that invites curiosity and possibility.

While we can’t change what’s happening in the world, we have choices – minute to minute – in how we engage what comes our way. Using “or not” as part of your practice of mindful awareness offers a way to shift from fear to curiosity, which – by definition – means shifting from constriction to resiliency.

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