Week Forty-four: Embracing Discomfort

In a conversation with a friend about one of my “stuck places”, he casually mentioned his gratitude that we all have the experience of limitation and difficulty because – without them – we’d all have a harder time empathizing with one another’s challenges and difficulties. I agreed with him wholeheartedly, and noticed how my relationship with my own difficulty shifted in that moment. It became a teacher and bridge to others, rather than simply a personal challenge for me.

Then, several days later, I listened to a taped seminar by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, on tonglen practice. Tonglen is a practice of breathing in suffering, difficulties, challenges, and the pain of others and breathing out calm, comfort, ease, or whatever other healing qualities may emerge as the suffering is transformed. Because of the teachings of my grandmother – who was a healer and energy practitioner herself – I’ve added a most “non-buddhist” piece to tonglen practice. I imagine that my entire body is surrounded by a color of healing light that immediately neutralizes the suffering I breathe in. In this way, by the time what had been pain or suffering enters my body its energy has already been cleansed. Then, I breathe out calm, ease, peace, or whatever back through the healing color surrounding my body, sending healthy, life-affirming energy back into the world.

One of the important aspects of tonglen practice for this experiment relates to the conversation I had with my friend. This is to notice those places where we struggle and – when we can’t seem to shift from our struggle – recall that many other people are having the same or similar experience at the very same time. When we do this, we affirm our inevitable connection to all other people and allows us to embrace our wholeness in an active and tangible way.

As you engage the experiment, identify some struggle, challenge, difficulty, or pain that is currently in your life, notice how it feels to bring this to the front of your awareness. What do you experience when you consider that many, many people are in the same situation as you are right at this moment? Simply notice what you discover in your experience as you expand your awareness to include all the others who are in your same situation right now.

If it feels all right to do so, imagine, now a healing light all around you – in whatever color comes to you as strong, healthy, protective. Then, if you want to do so, take a few moments to breathe into your heartspace or entire body the particular difficulty or struggle that’s the focus of your experiment this time, noticing that it becomes neutralized as you breathe it in. Then, breathe out that healed, neutralized energy as comfort, calm, ease – whatever quality emerges from your heartspace or entire body. Simply notice what you notice. There’s no right answer here – just an opportunity to experience deep self-acceptance, connection with others, and your capacity to add to the healing of the world in this moment in a powerful way.

As always, it’s important to avoid judgment or self-criticism as you engage being aware of these inevitable tugs. Moving into increased awareness is a lifelong journey, and we have opportunities at every turn to become more skilled. That’s what this experiment invites you to do.

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