It’s that time of year again, when Central Park is changing from the lush, green foliage of Summer to the golds, reds, and yellows of Fall. As I walk through the park these mornings, I find myself visually drinking in as much of the view as I can, listening to the special sounds of wind through leaves that are beginning to dry and become more brittle, smelling the particular fragrance of fall leaves on the ground underfoot, and absorbing as much of the presence of the trees as I can. I’m aware, daily, that soon the trees will be bare and the season of beiges, gray, and brown will emerge.

As I walked through the park the other day, taking in all the beauty surrounding me, my mind drifted to the presence and process of change. I was especially aware and alert to my surroundings, particularly present to my journey, as I remembered how quickly this time of year passes and how soon the trees will be without leaves. This kind of awareness of the inevitability of change allows us to experience the sweetness of a moment because we know it will pass. Change offers us a reminder to pay attention to the experiences we like because all of them, sooner or later, will move on into history, as a new present moment emerges. Then, I thought about people I have known in my life who have been afraid of change, or who haven’t wanted to accept that things cannot stay the same. For them, embracing the sweetness of a moment or a person is too painful, and they sometimes cut themselves off from the things they truly love because they are afraid of the inevitable losses that are part of cherishing someone or something. Over the years, I’ve heard stories from lots of people about experiences that have caused them to close the door to their hearts because it became too painful to love in the presence of the inevitable losses that come with connection to anything or anyone who may be important to us. I would guess that many of us have had this experience ourselves – where we have those places inside us where we fear closeness of some kind or another because we fear, even more, the loss of that closeness at some point in the future.

In my experience, our capacity to deal with loss is a skill that can deeply enhance our quality of life. Because everything inevitably changes, our ability to accept what shows up next in our lives – and to let go of experiences and relationships that move on in the natural course of things – allows us to fully engage what we do have in our lives in the present moment. Part of the skill of dealing with loss is our willingness to be with “what is”, as it is, without feeling that somehow change shouldn’t happen in our lives.

For this month’s experiment, I invite you to again explore your relationship with change. Where do you open yourself to experiences knowing full well they cannot last forever? And, where do you lament or fight against changes you know will come in the natural scheme of things? Also, where do you recall that change is your friend, that it moves you through times that are challenging or painful because these times, too, will become something else if you wait long enough? Most important of all, for this experiment pay attention to how experience, people, and relationships of every kind become sweeter when you recall that change comes in its own time into every experience. Notice what it’s like to fully savor the moment precisely because you know it will pass and the next moment may bring something entirely different into your experience.

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