Over the years, I’ve written a number of times about the importance of tracking and consciously using language that focuses on possibility, rather than the language so many of us were taught to use that looks at what’s lacking, at what’s wrong, or that predicts terrible things to come.

A process I engage in my work with people and myself is to block “habituated responses”, which are those habits of mind, emotions, and behavior that are both automatic and limiting – and usually happen outside conscious awareness.  I’ve learned over the years that, when I help myself and clients to block these responses, the brain automatically searches for new options and these options tend to be more positive and constructive.  This process always underscores for me that we do, indeed, have a “blueprint for health” at the core of our being and that we look for what’s healing when we have the opportunity.

As a way to become more aware of my habituated responses, I do my best to track my language and to notice when I’m speaking or thinking things that are either limiting, fear-based, or “violent” in some way.  Violent language would be when words are used as weapons, subtly or overtly, against oneself or others, as when we speak or think in terms of racism, homophobia, sexism, ageism, or any of the many “isms” we humans tend to generate.  Violent language toward self or others may also include internal comments about how you look or other kinds of limiting judgments that you then take seriously.  It can also encompass teasing or saying things that are critical or unkind, which is different from giving someone compassionate feedback when they need it and are willing to accept it.  Words can bring jarring surprises when someone suddenly is in the presence of “kidding” or “joking around” that points out embarrassing behaviors or ways of being that the person doesn’t experience as either funny or unusual.

One of the habits of language and thinking I’ve had to overcome is talking to myself about what is wrong with me, where I’m lacking this or that, or focusing on doubts or fears that then bother me.  Fortunately, I have people in my life who, if they hear me say things that are self-diminishing, point them out immediately.  I had a friend once say that it hurt her heart to hear me say things about myself that were negative or limiting.  That really got my attention, and I took in her response and made it my own.  It added a more compassionate companion to my self-talk.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to pay attention to how you speak to yourself and others and notice where your language might convey or embody either self-limiting, negative, or violent elements.  When you become aware of any of these qualities of language, notice what happens when you block yourself and refuse to continue the thought or words, and replace them with something more supportive and positive.  By consistently stopping yourself and replacing violent and limiting language with something more open and constructive, you’ll begin to shift the habit so many of us have of just allowing any thought that happens to be there to capture our attention and carry us along with it.

As always, please remember not to use this experiment to engage judgments about yourself.  We can’t help but have judgments.  The important thing is what we do with them.  The invitation here is to become more consciously aware of the quality of your internal and external ways of speaking and behaving so that you can interrupt it and learn some new ways of using verbal and nonverbal language.  And, as always, remember to bring along curiosity as your constant companion, because the presence of curiosity allows you to more actively and willingly engage change as a positive and helpful process.