The reports from Mumbai, India about the terrorist attacks on people brought to mind, yet again, the power of fear to wreak havoc in our world.  Underlying the hatred and anger that accompany these kinds of attacks is what I believe to be a fundamental fear of loss of power, fear of the “other”, fear of whatever kind.  My heart hurts for the loss of human life, for the fear instilled in those who were victimized by this attack.  My heart also hurts for those who felt driven to commit this kind of act.

In a workshop I used to do on the “shadow” – on the disowned aspects of our own personalities – much of the focus was on how we project our unacceptable feelings and impulses onto others and then make these other people the enemy.  Through this process of projection, it’s the “other” who’s a bad person, it’s the “other” who’s selfish, it’s the “other” who is wrong, terrible, or whatever judgment we may have.  The tragedy is that we’re often actually doing battle with parts of ourselves that were punished, or in some other way found to be unacceptable when we were growing up.  We may have gotten messages that these parts were unacceptable from our family, community values, religious training or peer group.  The source doesn’t matter as much as its impact on a developing psyche.  We learn to disown and then despise that which was found to be unworthy in ourselves, and we push these aspects of ourselves out of awareness. 

I’ve written about this in earlier experiments, but want to say it again here.  It’s this process of non-awareness that creates the problem.  What we don’t acknowledge is in ourselves becomes what we cannot bear to experience in others. 

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to become more conscious of the kinds of people and qualities that trigger in you a real sense of discomfort, anger, or judgment.  Pay attention to those kinds of people and qualities that create in you the same response you might have when you hear fingernails on a chalkboard.  These responses hint at the possibility that you’re actually interacting with a disowned part of yourself – a part of you that needs to come into awareness so you can integrate it into your sense of self. 

The good news is that, as we acknowledge and integrate a direct experience of disowned parts of ourselves, we’re much less likely to express them in negative ways.  As with all processes of becoming more conscious, we create a greater capacity for choice to draw on when we get triggered into moments of shadow experiences.  For example, let’s say you find yourself irrationally irritated at someone who you perceive is “frittering away time” – wasting time, in your opinion.  The level and quality of your irritation might be signposts indicating that there’s a part of you that wasn’t allowed to goof around when you were young, forcing you to unconsciously disown your own impulses to take time off and just play. 

What would happen if you explored the idea that intense knee-jerk reactions you have toward other people may, in fact, reveal something disowned in yourself?  What if you could know that it’s normal to disown elements of personality in the process of growing up and that it would empower you to become more consciously aware of the things you had to push back into your “shadow self”?  As with all processes that increase conscious awareness, this one also offers you a chance to make more informed choices about how you want to respond to a given interaction or situation in your life.  If you have a sense that you’re tapping into a disowned part of yourself, you may choose to use the experience to get to know yourself better.  Also, the more conscious we are of disowned parts of ourselves, the less likely we are to act them out in the world.  Awareness needn’t be a call to action – it’s a call to being more conscious.

And, along with awareness, what would happen if you brought compassion to the process – compassion for yourself and for all the “others” in your experience?  The underlying theme in both compassion and lovingkindness is that all beings – everyone, everywhere – seek to be happy and free from suffering.  We all seek the same thing and we all struggle with elements of our disowned self.  In this we are the same, even as it is these very dynamics that lead us to feel we are different, that the “other” somehow isn’t like the rest of us.

And so, as with all the experiments, please allow yourself to explore what emerges in your quality of life and in the quality of your interactions with others as you play with it.  And, as always, please allow judgments to move through gently, without grabbing hold of them or using them against yourself or anyone else.  If possible, allow this to be a gentle process of becoming more aware, of increasing your capacity to live consciously.