The presidential election has now come and gone and we have a new President.  Here in New York City, there has been a great deal of celebration.  A certain “hum” of excitement was in the streets on the day after the election and a quality of hope in the air.  What wasn’t so obvious was the discomfort of those who voted for the other candidate, and who now carry worries about what the future may hold.  A friend of mine brought this fact home to me in a dramatic way, and generated a wake-up call to me to remember the feelings of those who are not celebrating.

All this brought to mind how easy it is to forget that both sides in any interaction have feelings that count, especially when there’s been a good deal of disagreement and pressure to see what’s wrong with the other side.  I’m reminded of Marshall Rosenberg’s work with “Nonviolent Communication”, where he reminds us that all sides in any disagreement or negotiation want something that’s important to them.  Part of the process of making room for these differences is to know that everyone’s needs and wants are as important as everyone else’s.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to notice what happens when you take a moment to remember that something that makes you very happy, hopeful, or satisfied may be the very thing that makes someone else unhappy, frightened, or dissatisfied.  To be aware of this doesn’t mean to agree with the other person.  Instead, it offers an opportunity to remember something that is taught by Buddhist teachers:  all beings want to be happy and free from pain and suffering.  In the Buddhist practice of Lovingkindness, or metta, meditation, we are invited to take time wishing all beings well because of this deep understanding that we all share these basic needs and wishes.

As you listen to the news, or engage in conversations with people who have a different point of view from yours, notice the experience in your body.  Do you become tense when someone shares a viewpoint with which you don’t agree, or do you feel that certain kind of opening in the body that happens when you become curious?  Do you fill up with thoughts about why the person is wrong, or do you find yourself listening so you can understand how they arrived at their belief or response?

This is not an easy practice, as most of us fall into judgment and stop listening when we come up against someone who deeply disagrees with us.  Notice if it helps to remind yourself that you’re not asking yourself to agree with or support the person’s point of view.  Instead, this week’s experiment asks you to remember that the other person’s beliefs and responses are as important and vital to them as yours are to you.

As with all the experiments, please engage this one without judgment, as much as you can and, when you do have the inevitable judgments that arise, allow them to move on through as if they were clouds passing through a windy sky.  Also, it helps to bring along curiosity as your constant companion, as curiosity actively supports our opening to the world and engaging new experiences and understandings.