I had a discussion with a colleague the other day that brought to mind the power of making commitments and following through.  We were talking about a program of study that requires quite an investment of time and money, and of how often making commitments to ourselves involves valuing who we are and what we do.

Our conversation got me to thinking about how the relationship between following through on things we promise ourselves and others has to do with valuing who we are and how we think about the process of honoring our commitments.  There is a certain integrity related to doing what we say we’re going to do.  I’m reminded of the nun I mentioned in a recent experiment who said that she knows what she believes and values by observing what she does.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to explore your relationship to the commitments you make to yourself and others.  Do you find yourself promising more than you can deliver?  Do you forget to do things you’ve said you’ll do for yourself or others?  How about the times when you’re just delighted to have made yourself a promise and then followed through?

Over the years, I’ve become aware of a tried and true signal I use to tell myself if I’m promising something I can’t do.  I watch for signals of resentment, as they reliably tell me that I’m about to offer something I’m not going to feel good about giving myself or someone else.  Rather than judging the feeling of resentment, as I used to do, I now consider it a meditation bell, bringing attention to what I’m really feeling and to the fact that I’m about to commit myself to something I can’t fulfill.  I feel grateful when any flicker of resentment wakes me up to what I’m doing.

Also, over the years, I’ve developed conversations with myself that help me to follow through with things I have committed to do.  I remind myself of my original intention or goal, of what I hope to have or achieve by making a particular commitment.  These internal conversations, which are always gentle and kind, help me to keep going if I begin to waiver in relation to what I’ve promised.  And so, I invite you to become increasingly aware of your own experiences of resentment, and then track how they relate to times when you’ve offered to give more than is actually comfortable for you.  Also, you might notice what kind of dialogue you have with yourself about giving and keeping promises, and play with making that dialogue as supportive, encouraging and kind as possible.

There’s something powerful that happens when we follow through on our commitments.  There’s a kind of internal integrity that is fed by keeping promises, and this particular sense of integrity tends to support positive self-esteem.  One of the ways I’ve practiced nurturing this sense of integrity and built my capacity to follow through on commitments has been to start with small promises to myself and others and then to see how it feels to follow through on them.  This has allowed me to experience the difference between those times when I’ve made good choices about making commitments and those times when I’m sorry I promised something to myself or someone else in small doses.

And so, as you play with this week’s experiment, please allow yourself to do so lightly, with curiosity about what works for you and what doesn’t.  Please remember to invite any judgments to float on by, as they don’t add anything constructive to the process.  We all make commitments we don’t follow through with, and most of us have made promises we’ve broken, so the point of the experiment isn’t to generate a perfect record of following through.  It’s to give yourself an opportunity to become increasingly familiar with what works for you and to have an even deeper experience of self-esteem and well-being that comes with living into your commitments, when you do choose to make them.