I was listening to a spot on NPR’s “This I Believe” that inspired me a great deal.  It was an essay by the nun who works with people on death row – the person on whom “Dead Man Walking” was based.  She said something very powerful, which spoke to me.  She said, “The only way I know what I believe is to watch what I do.”

As I pondered her words, I realized that she spoke a very deep truth, one that goes right to the heart of the matter.  What I like most about this statement is that it invites us into a direct awareness of whether we live as we believe, and where we may act in ways that are not in line with our conscious, stated values.

In an experiment a number of years ago, I wrote about a practice I have that, in some small way, keeps me both conscious and honest about tracking my actions.  If I find that I’m impatient or irritable with a store clerk, for example, I force myself either to go back and apologize or, if I catch myself on the spot, apologize in that moment.  If I walk by someone on the street who needs money and I ignore them, I make myself go back and give some small amount and, at the very least, acknowledge the person.  That doesn’t mean I give money to everyone who asks.  It’s more about my attitude as I walk by.  If I find myself discounting that it is a human being, just like me, who sits there on the street, then I make myself go back and engage the person as another valuable human being.  It’s not what I do or not give them.  It’s that I want to live my belief that we are all one life and that every life form has its inherent value.

For this week’s experiment, then, I invite you to pay particular attention to your actions – those that are well-considered and those that are spontaneous and automatic.  As you notice your actions, also become aware of the beliefs they reflect.   Do they match what you consciously think you believe about yourself and the world?  Do they reveal other beliefs that operate outside your awareness and that surprise you?  For example , you may believe deeply in kindness and then find yourself being nasty to someone – perhaps to the wait person in a restaurant or your partner.  Noticing your actions might reveal a belief that you shouldn’t have to wait, or that you should have whatever you ask for, or that you shouldn’t have to put up with someone else’s stuff.  Or, you may find that you are kinder than you realized – that your actions speak to a deep belief in being kind whenever possible, and you may not have known that about yourself.

This experiment invites another important and powerful practice:  letting go of judgments about yourself and others.  As I’ve mentioned in many previous experiments, it’s pretty much impossible for us not to judge.  It’s in the nature of our minds to generate judgments.  A useful skill to develop around this, however, is the capacity to notice these judgments without identifying, agreeing with, or adding energy to them.  It will help to have curiosity available to you as you notice these judgments.  Remember that curiosity opens and allows room to just become aware without having to react.

Also, this week’s experiment involves encountering mixed feelings, imperfections, and the inevitable ups and downs of being human.  The goal isn’t to be perfectly aligned with lofty beliefs.  It also isn’t intended to point out how out of alignment you are with your beliefs.  Rather, it presents an opportunity to become more conscious of what beliefs, attitudes, and assumptions underlie your actions in the world.  And, as is always true with increased awareness, it also offers an opportunity for you to make new choices.