Coming home from teaching a Somatic Experiencing training one evening, I had an experience that reminded me how much the presence of peace only emerges as the result of moment-to-moment choices by each one of us.  The training had ended on a beautiful note.  One of the participants guided the group in a closing process that included sharing gratitude and a quiet time of meditation.  As I left the experience, I was filled with a deep, settled ease and was enormously grateful that I have the opportunity to share these kinds of experiences with other people.

When I came out of the subway at my stop, my experience of quiet ease continued.  Then, I came to an intersection where a limo driver and cabbie were engaged in a shouting match.  Each man stayed in his car, but their shouts became louder and louder, neither one willing to back down.  They were yelling about what each had done wrong, even though there was no accident.  Apparently, one had pulled in front of the other and that generated some anger.

As I watched and listened, I thought about how crucial it is for one person in a conflict to be able to step away from escalating feelings of combativeness and aggression.  Neither of these men was able to let go of having the last word, so the words got louder and nastier as the situation escalated.  I didn’t stay to experience the outcome but, as I walked along, I wondered what would have helped either of these men to simply let it go, to back away, to choose not to fight – in this case with words.

All that got me to thinking about how each of us has countless opportunities to not engage or fuel the kinds of conflict that lead us away from peace.  I also thought of what Gandhi said: that we have to *be* the change we want to see in the world.  This also relates to last week’s experiment about discovering what we believe by watching what we do.  If we believe in peace, we need to live as peace.

And so, for this week’s experiment, I invite you to pay attention to those moments when you can choose peace – or not.  My wish in offering you this experiment is that you will have an opportunity to notice those times when you choose to stay engaged and escalate an encounter and those times when you let go and choose not to add fuel to the fire.

What I invite you to notice, in particular, is how you feel when you make either choice.  For example, if you choose to escalate a conflict, notice the sensations in your body that accompany that choice.  Also notice the belief that has you in its grip.  Do you believe that if you don’t fight you’ll be humiliated?  Do you believe that you have no choice once someone challenges you but to fight back?  Or, do you notice that this is one of those times when not fighting would go against something you believe in deeply?

On the other hand, if you choose not to fight, notice your body’s response to that choice.  What thoughts accompany choosing not to fight?  What does that choice tell you about your beliefs?

There’s a third element you might want to explore, which is one that many people want to learn to do more skillfully.  Sometimes, when it’s necessary to stay engaged in conflict, do you have the choice to respond with words that convey how you feel but don’t add fuel to the fire?  This is a sometimes challenging skill to develop, but it is a true gift to the process of resolving conflict. 

Whichever choice you make – to step away from a conflict or to add fuel to its fire – take some time to notice how you feel when all is said and done.  Check out your physical sensations, the quality of your thoughts and feelings, your general experience as you walk away from the encounter, or move on to what’s next on your  agenda.

As with all the experiments, please leave judgment behind and bring along curiosity as your companion.  This is one more opportunity to explore conscious living and to discover what enhances the quality of your life and what doesn’t.