I belong to a group of people who gather with some regularity to meditate and to share and explore interpersonal, societal, and personal issues and dynamics.  We’ve been meeting for 14 years and the group is a constant source of learning and nourishment for me, as there is an array of difference in the room.  We’re a small group and, even with that, we can find ourselves in the presence of different political positions, different interpretations of current events, different spiritual interpretations and different beliefs about the basic meaning of life.

For me, our group meetings are a constant invitation to stay open – to be mindfully present to any tendency I may feel to turn away, literally or figuratively, from someone who is expressing a belief or response that’s the opposite of my own.  Each interaction and each moment offer a choice point and, for me, it’s like exercising a muscle that I want to develop more and more.  I find that when I can stay truly present to another person and their opinion, response or belief, I feel more authentic, more connected, more respectful, and more comfortable in myself. 

And so, for this week’s experiment, I invite you to notice your responses to difference.  When you’re in a conversation and someone says something with which you completely disagree, notice what happens in you.  Do you begin to mobilize a counter-argument?  Do you find yourself pulling away or moving into judgment?  Do you feel curious as to how the person arrived at that position or belief?  As always, there’s no right answer here.  Rather, there’s an opportunity to track your spontaneous responses and reactions to difference.  Then, with this awareness, you might allow yourself to play with becoming curious rather than judgmental or argumentative, or play with softening your body rather than tensing, or exploring any other of the responses you may notice in yourself.  Then, give yourself some time to explore how it feels when you’ve played with being open to difference – not to force yourself to agree with someone or something that’s counter to your own beliefs, but rather to notice your experience when you are open and curious about what they’re saying rather than tense and wanting to counter the other person’s position.

One of the elements of this experiment that can be particularly useful is to be aware of your body – to notice areas of tension and areas of ease.  You can track your level of closing out the other person by the level of tension you discover in your body, and you can notice the presence of curiosity and opening by becoming aware of where your body is soft or at ease.  Another element that can support your exploration is to be aware of the quality and tone of your thoughts as the other person talks with you.  Do your thoughts automatically jump to your counter-argument or judgment about the person or their position as you stop listening?  What happens when you experience the mental state of curiosity, where you’re listening in order to understand what the other person means, when you seek to comprehend their experience, even if you don’t agree with it.

I especially invite you to notice how you feel inside yourself, in the act of being you, when you play with this experiment.  Are you more, or less, comfortable when you’re curious about difference?  Does it feel better, or worse, when you shift from tightness and judgment into an open mind and a body at ease?  As with every experiment, please play with this one as a companion to living mindfully.  There’s no goal other than to become increasingly aware of who and how you are in the present moment, and of the choices you make along the way.  Remember – it’s the awareness of choice that allows us to make new ones or stay on course.