The recent events surrounding the firing of radio personality Don Imus bring home the fact that we cannot ignore the power of words. Also, we cannot afford to overlook the ways in which our communications with family, friends, acquaintances, and people we encounter in our daily lives have an inescapable impact – for good or ill. All too often, we may toss off a remark without thought, not realizing that we’ve said something insensitive or hurtful. Part of living consciously and with mindfulness is to be as aware of our words as we are of our actions.

Listening to a show on NPR, I heard a listener say that he believed in the old saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” and he wondered why people allowed the comments of others to distress them. When I heard this, I thought of all the people I’ve worked with in therapy over the years who were emotionally abused, and how they have consistently reported that the emotional abuse – the words that hurt – were far worse than physical beatings. Words get inside us and can become part of our own internal dialogue, becoming continuing sources of distress and pain.

This doesn’t mean we won’t say things that upset people when we’re irritated, vulnerable, or ignorant of the impact of what we’re saying,, or in the thousand other ways we get caught up in automatically or unmindfully responding to the people in sour lives. It’s part of being in relationship to others that we’ll say things that hurt. It’s also part of being in relationship to others to be open to a process of apology, open listening to how our words hurt and learning from the experience.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to become more mindful of the words you speak to others, and of the words you speak to yourself. Pay attention to the quality of your interactions when you choose to use words of kindness, or welcome, or other words that open a bridge between you and others. If you need to draw a boundary with someone, or say “no” to something, notice what it’s like to do so with firm courtesy, being clear and yet nonviolent. Play with words of kindness out in the world, as you interact with sales people, bus drivers, or others you meet along the way. Notice the quality of interaction you have when you choose words that heal rather than words that hurt. And, be gentle with yourself when you lose it, knowing that there will always be a next time to practice speaking mindfully.

With your own internal dialogue, notice what happens when you give yourself messages of support and care, and allow words of self-criticism., self-doubt, or self-hate to arise, move through, and move on without your adding anything to them. Imagine they are storms passing through, and that you can notice them without being carried away by them. Then, return to talking to yourself in a kind and gentle way and see what you experience.

As you explore these various ways to play with words, also notice the response in your body – the sensations and general physical experience you have – when you use words that hurt and when you use nonviolent words. You may discover that your body feels more open or relaxed when you speak with words that convey kindness or courtesy, and that your body may have other kinds of responses when you’re using words that hurt.

As with all the experiments, the goal here isn’t to do it perfectly. Rather, it’s to support becoming more conscious of the power of words and how you use them in daily life. Be sure to bring curiosity along as your constant companion, and to have as much compassion for yourself as you have for others who are practicing living more consciously.