Reading in the magazine, Shift, a publication of the Institute of Noetic Sciences,
I came across the following words: “We are only partially fight-or-flight systems. There is new evidence that a completely complementary system underlies the capacity to affiliate with others. There are studies now showing brain rewards for not only affiliation within a kinship circle but also affiliation outside of kinship circles. It’s like there’s this atrophied part of our biological system that hasn’t received enough attention but is capable of being fully formed given the right environment.” (December 2006 – January 2007 issue, p 14).

Evidence of our being wired for affiliation –a natural, inherent wish for connection with others – is very exciting, as it points us in a direction we can move to begin to awaken and enliven this natural tendency in ourselves. It’s not just a matter of philosophy, religious, or spiritual belief. Rather, it’s a fact of our biological being, of the potential we hold within us from the beginning of life.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to explore your experience of affiliation, both within your circles of family, friends, and acquaintances and also with people you don’t know or don’t know well. For example, when you’re with family and friends, notice your experience of connection and when you may feel pulled to reach out to someone for comfort or contact. Then, when you meet someone new, or find yourself amongst people who aren’t familiar to you, notice any urges you may have to find at least one someone with whom you can connect. The key here is to invite awareness of the natural instinct or impulse to move toward people and to notice what happens when you follow that urge.

Of course, there are many reasons we may wish to move in the other direction – to move *away* from contact and affiliation. Sometimes, if we’re depressed, our natural tendency is to isolate. If we’ve been traumatized by people in our past, we may feel cautious about making contact with others. If we find ourselves anxious and self-conscious in social situations, those feelings may prevent us from moving toward people. The thing to notice in this experiment is that these tendencies to move away from people most probably constitute learned responses, not the result of an innate tendency.

For me, there’s a promise held in the quotation at the beginning of this experiment. If we are truly hardwired to affiliate, then the mechanisms for healing our interpersonal wounds are also hardwired in us. The exploration is how to awaken these natural tendencies and allow them to flourish in daily life.

As with all the experiments, please leave judgment aside and invite curiosity as your constant companion. There are never any “right” answers, discoveries, or responses to these experiments. They are simply the next opportunity to discover something about yourself that supports living consciously and developing a compassionate, loving relationship with yourself and your world.