I had an encounter with someone the other day that has stayed with me. I had met with a friend who was having some distress in his life and found myself deeply moved by the fact that – no matter which part of his dilemma he discussed – his distress just deepened. Whichever way he turned in his mind and feelings, he found himself digging deeper into his upset, and there seemed to be no way out. As he talked, an experience from a while back came to mind, where a person was in a similar state of mind. In that instance, she was able to look beyond the problem to the larger picture of her life and, in doing so, she was able to recognize that the current distress was a temporary part of a much bigger life experience. She was able to tap into the fact that – once the problem resolved itself – all the good qualities of her life were still there, waiting for her.

At almost any time, we may find ourselves faced with a major or minor disappointment in a particular circumstance or in the people around us. At almost any time, we may lose something we loved, or feel betrayed by someone close to us, and find ourselves moving through grief or anger. These are experiences that naturally make up part of our lives. What can be useful at these times, after we acknowledge and allow ourselves to be fully aware of how we feel, is to also recall the times when things aren’t this way – to bring into awareness that there is more to our lives than the moments when things aren’t going the way we’d like them to go. It also helps, when taking time to see the bigger picture, to remember that healing can emerge as unexpectedly as distress.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to play with the dynamic of finding yourself aware of something distressing and then expanding your awareness beyond the distress. For example, let’s say you have a friend who disappoints you by breaking a date or doing something that feels bad to you. Notice how your internal focus narrows to leave out just about everything else but that upset. After spending some time acknowledging your upset and validating for yourself why it feels that way, see if it’s possible to begin to expand your focus to include other disappointments in your life that have resolved themselves. This is an invitation to expand your focus to the bigger picture – that life is a process with moments that are pleasant and others that are unpleasant, and that what’s bad can become okay and what’s okay can become uncomfortable and then be okay again. You might even spend a bit of time hanging out with your experience of what’s bigger than your current distress, then hanging out with your current distress for a bit, and go back and forth for awhile and notice what happens.

This process of expanding awareness generates a possibility of remembering that there’s more to life than this immediate disappointment or distress. It doesn’t seek to ignore or overlook what’s wrong. Rather, it’s an invitation to remember that what’s wrong isn’t all there is. Notice how you feel about choosing to play with expanding your awareness. You may find that part of you wants to stay with the upset. That’s a natural response. Just notice it if you find yourself there. Then, notice when and if it’s okay to open to the larger picture and see what happens.

It’s important to allow yourself mixed feelings, and to be curious about what you experience when you play with expanding your focus. Also notice when it’s the right time to do this exercise. Sometimes, we just need to be in our upset for a while, before we’re ready to move on to another kind of awareness. As with all the experiments, the point isn’t to “get it right”. The point is to deepen your awareness of how you move through the world so you can generate more choices and options along the way.