A number of everyday things have emerged recently that have required me to dig more deeply into my practice of patience and of going with the flow. One of them has to do with installing computer software and becoming skillful with a new program. While this is second nature to folks who spend a lot of time with their computers, it’s an activity that, for me, is challenging enough to definitely generate some new brain cells. Over the years, the computers with which I’ve shared my life have been some of my best teachers, and I discovered long ago that they are always right and that the problem is my momentary inability to understand their needs. And so, for this particular round of mastering a new aspect of computing, I had available all my prior experience of knowing that, eventually, all would be well. That helped me breathe through the moments when, for the 10th time, something I thought would work didn’t turn out to be what was needed. Ultimately, I discovered a new skill in working with the computer, which is still in the process of developing.

As I moved through this latest exercise in patience, I realized how much our capacity to be patient with a circumstance or person has to do with how we think about it, with how we understand what’s going on. If we think the person or thing is out to get us, or blocking our progress on purpose, we’re likely to be short on patience when things don’t go smoothly. If, on the other hand, we hold the idea that it’s just a matter of time until we learn what we need to know, or that the other person is being who they are, doing the best they can even when that best is aggravating to us, we’re much more likely to be gentler with ourselves and everyone/everything around us.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to explore your relationship with patience. When I say “patience” here, I don’t mean a passive giving in that feels like collapse or defeat. I mean an active, willing capacity to become aware of what’s happening in you, take a breath and relax into what’s unfolding in the present moment. As part of your exploration, I invite you, as well, to notice what goes on in your body when you’re patient and when you’re not. It’s useful to get to know the particular body sensations you have when you’re engaging experience with patience and those you have when you’re beginning to lose your cool. This kind of familiarity increases your capacity to choose whether or not you want to move forward with impatience or whether you want to take a moment to settle yourself back into a more relaxed state. There are so many things in this world we can’t control that it’s useful to cultivate those things we can.

As with all the experiments, please hold this one lightly and play with your awareness. The goal is to offer you a way to be more present to your experience, to be able to notice what’s happening inside you, including the way you think about a particular situation. It’s useful to become familiar with the kinds of thoughts that tend to support your capacity to be patient and those that tend to inflame your impatience.

Remember to leave judgment in the back seat so you can have curiosity as your companion, and a gentle humor with yourself for those times you just can’t help but lose it.