Listening to a radio program called “The Infinite Mind” this morning on NPR, the subject was empathy.  The show examined many expressions and sources of empathy.  One of the people interviewed is a man who works with chimpanzees and Bonobos – another species of chimpanzee relatives.  Humans are 98.5% genetically related to both these species, so the comments of the man being interviewed were quite interesting.

He said that there are many instances of empathy that occur among chimpanzees, Bonobos, and gorillas he has observed.  With chimps and Bonobos, he described a common practice of an uninvolved ape going up to another that had been in a dispute and putting an arm around a shoulder, offering comfort.  The same happens with Bonobos.  Other species also express empathy – the capacity to connect with the experience of another and relate to it, including birds.

The show also had interviews with doctors in training, who now have experiences developing empathy as part of their medical knowledge.  One young doctor described how she quickly turned to humor when a patient started crying, to try to “make her feel better”, and later realized that she had to develop her empathy so she could tolerate the distress of her patients.  One of the training doctors commented that, even with the eight-minute appointments that happen these days, exercising the habit of empathy during training would help these doctors connect with their patients more fully even in brief visits.

Listening to the show brought to mind how often we have opportunities to experience and express empathy in daily life – at home, on the street, at work, at play.  Wherever we are, we tend to have interactions that connect us with the feelings and responses of others.  When we understand these feelings and responses, or at least can relate to why they exist, we lessen the possibility of misunderstandings.  When we are able to find an empathic resonance with a loved one, especially when we’re in the midst of a conflict or other difficulty, we have a better chance of finding our way through without adding to the difficulty. 

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to explore your relationship with empathy.  Given that we’re hard-wired to experience it, allow yourself to notice the many ways in which you find yourself relating to someone else’s experience during any given day.  The saying that goes something like, “Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes,” is a constant invitation to empathy.   Also notice those times when you may override your capacity for empathy in the service of your own upset or indignation.  We all have these moments, as well.  Also notice when, or if, you become “overly-empathic”, and find yourself becoming too involved with the experiences of others.   Becoming too involved can mean that you’re caught up primarily in your own experience and not actually resonating with the experience of the other person.

As with all the experiments, allow yourself to play with this one.  It’s about noticing and then exercising a muscle that’s already there.  Notice, especially, the quality of your day when you’ve chosen to engage it with empathy – and be sure to do all this with compassion and understanding for yourself, as well.