As usual, this current experiment emerges from one of my experiences walking across Central Park in the morning on my way to work.  On a recent morning, after a big snowfall, dogs were romping here and there, people were walking carefully, so they wouldn’t slip on the ice, and the park was simply beautiful.  I met my dog friend, Daisy, and said hello to another park friend, Juan.  Then, I saw a woman I meet every morning who told me her name only recently – Linda.  I mused on the fact that I feel even more connected to Linda now that I know her name.  She’s not just a woman in the park I see in the morning – she’s now someone who’s known to me in a more direct way.  As I pondered all of this, I realized that it was knowing Linda’s name that made the difference.  It somehow brought her into my world more intimately than she had been before.  The same is true for Daisy and Juan.

All this got me to thinking about how important it is to learn people’s names.  I’ve written about this before, and the dynamic of names continues to touch me.  I’ve developed a habit of making sure I know the name of people who wait on me in restaurants, of postal workers, of people I engage almost anywhere, because knowing their name changes the experience so much for me.  Having the more immediate connection that comes with knowing someone’s name changes the dynamic of the interaction.  I’m no longer talking to a stranger.  I’m now having an interaction with Noel or Ruby or Jack – real people with real feelings and real lives.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to explore what shifts in your experience when you know someone’s name.  Rather than dealing with the “mail carrier”, notice what happens when you deal with “Bob” or “Aisha”.  Pay particular attention to people you connect with on a regular basis – people whose names you haven’t bothered to learn.  As I write this, my mind immediately goes to the new tailor I use – I realize I haven’t asked her name.  I imagine that when I do, that information will change something in the quality of our interactions, even though it may be a very subtle shift. 

As you play with this experiment, also imagine what it would be like if you offered your name to people you might not otherwise think to tell.  For example, if you’re on a phone call to gather information, what would change in the interaction if you introduced yourself by your first name and found out theirs? 

For those of you who live in small towns, this experiment may seem redundant, as you probably already know most, if not all, of the folks around you.  For you, play with whatever represents introducing yourself to people you don’t know.  For those of us who live in large urban areas, the experiment offers an opportunity to move beyond the almost-inevitable impersonality of many of our interactions to an experience of being more connected to people we engage as recognizable individuals, even in this small way.