I’m continuing to be touched by the writings of the Dalai Lama about nonviolence.  In the same book, “Offerings”, he is quoted as follows:

“I think that there is a very close connection between humility and patience.  Humility involves having the capacity to take a more confrontational stance, having the capacity to retaliate if you wish, yet deliberately deciding not to do so.  That is what I would call genuine humility.  I think that true tolerance or patience has a component or element of self-discipline and restraint – the realization that you could have acted otherwise, you could have adopted a more aggressive approach, but decided not to do so.”

What I like so much about the above quotation is that it invites us into conscious awareness, challenges us to actively recognize our capacity to overpower or hurt others, even as it asks us not to act on that capacity.  I would extend this idea to include how we respond to and treat ourselves.  How many times do we criticize ourselves, sometimes without mercy, leaving ourselves feeling defeated or defective in some way?  How many times are we able to treat people we don’t even know more kindly than we treat ourselves?  I’m one of those folks who believe that if we can’t love ourselves, if we can’t be kind to ourselves, we’re not truly able to be so with others.  We might succeed at acting kindly toward others most of the time, and we might genuinely value and aspire to that way of being in the world, but if we judge and criticize ourselves in unkind ways, we’re bound to judge and criticize others, at times, consciously or unconsciously.

And so, along with exploring your “humility and patience” with others, as described by the Dalai Lama, I invite you to notice how patient and humble you are with yourself, and where you decide not to jump all over yourself even when you have evidence that would allow you to do so.  Also notice when you give yourself the same understanding you give to others, when you embrace patience as a companion. 

In fact, being patient is a powerful and challenging practice.  Rather than taking it as a sign of weakness or capitulation, allow yourself to use this week’s experiment to discover that patience is a dynamic, active stance, one that involves awareness of a sense of being centered and empowered.  When we feel all right about ourselves, and when we feel competent, we find that we can practice patience in a non-irritated and open-hearted way.

This is no small practice, so I invite you to bring curiosity and compassion along as your companion.  Becoming irritated and impatient is part of everyday life.  It’s what we do about it that counts.  Play with allowing impatience to be the “meditation bell” that invites you back into your breath, back into your belly, back into remembering that you’re practicing patience to see how it feels as an active,  empowered response to yourself and others.