I’ve mentioned my favorite pre-meditation books before. They are written by Danielle and Olivier Follmi – one focuses on teachings from India and another focuses on teachings from Buddhism. In their book called “Wisdom”, under October 26, I read the following quotation:

“Do you live and work in the world?

Always act according to the highest moral standards, both in private and in public.

Always be honest in word and deed, both in private and in public.

Master your emotions and control your senses, both in private and in public.

Be calm and patient, both in private and in public.

Take every opportunity to serve others, both in private and in public.

Be kind and gentle to your children, both in private and in public.”

      Tattiriya Upanishad

As I read, I got to thinking about the importance of behaving at home, in private, with as much courtesy and kindness as we do in public. So often, we allow ourselves to act in less-than-elegant ways when we’re home, either alone or with family members or friends, even though we wouldn’t dream of doing so in public. To act at home as we do outside our home requires us to be more consistently conscious of what we do and how we behave. We suspend the luxury of being on autopilot and offer ourselves the opportunity to be present to ourselves and our environment.

When I think of kindness that exists both at home and in the world, I think of a good friend of mine who is consistently kind and patient, no matter where she is, no matter with whom, no matter what the situation. She has a long-term commitment to kindness and practices it in every situation. I have observed her over the years and enlisted her as a powerful teacher for my own practice, as she has been able to open her heart at times it would have been very difficult for me to do the same.

On the other hand, there are those of us who act in public as if kindness or awareness of others doesn’t matter. I was in a coffee house the other day, eating a salad and reading. The line for the restrooms formed in front of the table where I sat, so I had an opportunity to watch people as they waited for one of the two often-full restrooms. At one point, a woman had waited for quite a while when a young man walked up to the restroom area. He went past her without a glance, banged loudly on the closed restroom door and then, when the door didn’t open, walked again past the woman and went to the door of the second restroom and stood there. When that restroom opened up, he went in, again without asking the woman if she were waiting. She and I looked at one another, shook our heads, and had a laugh. I don’t know if this young man behaves the same way in private as he did in public, but his actions reminded me about how much of society depends on everyone’s cooperation.

And so, for this week’s experiment, I invite you to pay attention to the differences and similarities between how you behave in private and how you behave in public. If you discover that there are attitudes and behaviors you have at home that you wouldn’t do in public, notice what it’s like to bring these into awareness. You might ask yourself what it is about being home that makes a difference in how you choose to be or to act. For example, if you do your best to consistently be friendly to people you meet out in the world each day but, at home, you allow yourself to be irritable and nasty, ask yourself what belief you have that makes sense of this kind of distinction between your public self and your private self.

As with all the experiments, please engage this one lightly. It’s an invitation to awareness, not to self-judgment. We all have places where we fall on our faces, and doing this kind of experiment gives us a chance to become aware of the choices we make, beliefs we hold, and options we may have for generating new ways of being.