A recent issue of “The Psychotherapy Networker”, a magazine directed to therapists, there were a number of excellent articles on brain science and body therapy.  One article, by a therapist named Brent Atkinson, described the ways in which he has learned to invite clients to practice shifting from upset states by using what we are learning about brain science.  In Atkinson’s approach, he teaches clients how to talk to themselves when they are upset, as a practice to shift from reacting into responding more consciously.  During sessions, he makes tapes for his clients in which he speaks emphasizing the opportunity to engage the part of their brain that is more rational than the upset they may feel.

Atkinson describes how, with practice, clients begin to experience a “pairing” of the soothing, reassuring internal dialogue with the emotional upset.  We now know that the brain needs practice to create new neural pathways, the “avenues” by which we learn new behaviors and states of mind.  (Of course, another way neural pathways are laid down deeply is during trauma, which takes only one time to learn the lesson of what brings danger, but here we’re talking about conscious, desired learning.)

One of the things Atkinson talked about in the article was how it’s also possible for us to learn to talk to ourselves, or use images, in ways that can help us shift from upset that has us on auto-pilot – the tail wagging the dog . . . those times when we behave in ways we may regret later.  While his article concentrated on ways he coached his clients to move through their upsets, he also mentioned the “ancient wisdom” of religious and spiritual practices, such as saying, “Thy will be done”, practicing mindfulness, or “making a list each night of things one is grateful for.” 

Reading the article got me to thinking how I have used this kind of practice over the years.  I have a friend who’s a Unity minister, and she recently sent me a prayer CD she created.  I find that I enjoy listening to it once a week or so, filling myself with positive thoughts and feelings, which I find I draw on as the week rolls along.  Each morning, I also start out with comments to myself, such as “I choose kindness,”  “I choose compassion,” or “Everything will be all right/All will be well.”  Then, I return to these thoughts many times during the day as a kind of mindfulness practice.  Over time, I’ve found that these kinds of statements, and the responses they instill in me, have shifted some of the knee-jerk reactions I used to have when I was upset.  I’ve also found that I’m more inclined to fill my mind with these kinds of comments when I’m walking along the street.  I also regularly draw on images.  One of the particularly powerful ones for me is to imagine the spark of light that I believe rests at the core of everyone.  The image reminds me that everyone wants the same thing – to be comfortable in whatever ways have meaning for them.  Practice has created something of a habit of returning to these kinds of statements/mantras and images, which have been very useful in developing a greater capacity for self-regulation.

And so, for this week’s experiment, I invite you to notice what particular thought or image is centering for you, or that helps you move through distress without necessarily acting on urges to blame, criticize, strike out in some other way – or to withdraw, hide, or isolate yourself from those close to you.  The important thing to remember is that the brain needs practice and repetition in order for us to really learn a new behavior or state of mind.  It’s useful to practice at times when you’re not upset, so you can then more easily practice when you’re in an emotionally-activated state.

A helpful thing to keep in mind is that it’s not about getting it right the first time.  It’s about taking many opportunities to recall what you’ve decided to practice.  Each moment becomes its own opportunity to go through it again – bringing the thought or image to mind and noticing how you respond.