One evening, I was on a train coming back to New York City from Massachusetts. The trip began well, the sun just beginning to set, the foliage still beautiful to see as the train moved from Springfield, MA to New Haven, CT. Then, a few minutes outside New Haven, the train stopped moving and went dark. An overhead wire had been pulled down by the engine, so no electricity was available for the train. We sat on the track for two and a half hours, in the dark, as trains occasionally whizzed by on either side of us, going to and from New York City.

It was an exceptional opportunity to “be with what is, as it is”, as there was nothing to do but sit quietly and wait until a new engine arrived to take us to New York City. What struck me was how calm and orderly everyone was. People talked quietly and reassured one another. We told stories, got to know one another in the way that happens when people share an unexpected experience, and hung out together in the silences that emerged during lulls in conversations. No one in the car complained or caused problems for anyone else. Because of this, the experience as actually relaxed, even for those passengers who would miss their connecting trains in New York.

The experience got me to thinking about the importance of each person’s responses during a group event. We can add either to a sense of order and ease, or to a quality of distress or conflict. I was also reminded of a time on an airplane, a number of years ago, that was held on the tarmac for a couple of hours. That experience was entirely different. A passenger began to demand to be taken back to the terminal and raised a commotion when told that the plane would have to stay where it was. The person’s irritation and loud demands created a tense quality in the entire cabin – quite different from what I experienced on the train.

For this week’s experiment, I invite you to take some time to notice the quality of your individual contribution to collective experiences. For example, if you find yourself waiting on a slow-moving line at the bank or store, notice whether you contribute to a collective quality of patience or annoyance. Our states of being are contagious, and each experience offers us a new opportunity to choose what qualities we want to spread to those around us.

As you explore the experiment, if you find yourself complaining or acting in an irritated or agitated manner, recall that your mood and behavior impact those around you. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with having whatever feelings, thoughts, or reactions that may spontaneously arise in any given experience. What it does mean is that you have the option to choose what you want to do with your reactions and responses. This experiment invites you to play with noticing what happens when you consciously focus your attention on what can allow you to make a contribution to calm and ease. For example, you might shift your awareness to what’s okay about the experience. Let’s say you’re stuck in a line and it’s going to move slowly no matter how you feel about it. You might notice that waiting offers you the only chance you may have that day to step out of a hectic pace and have a small breather. Or, you may find that sitting in a doctor’s waiting room might offer some time to catch up on some reading. This may look like making lemonade out of lemons, and it is. But, more importantly, it’s about noticing the effect you have on the people around you – the effect we have on one another whenever we gather together for any reason. And, it’s another opportunity to remember the power of choice – that even as we can’t do much to control what comes up in us, we do have some power over how we express ourselves.

As with all the experiments, allow yourself to have fun with this one, and to notice what you learn. Remember to allow yourself to leave judgment behind, or to ignore it if it comes up in your experience, and instead to bring along a healthy dose of that old, reliable companion – curiosity.